Hutchison: Paris Hilton gets mansion-detention

Hutchison: Paris Hilton gets mansion-detention






Not too fast Paris HiltonDaily Entertainment Break: Paris Hilton out of jail, confined to Hollywood mansionCassidy: There's a better punishment for Paris HiltonParis Hilton ordered back to courtOh come on, you knew it was going to happen didn't you? You knew there was no way that poor li'l rich girl Paris Hilton was going to have to serve out her time in the slammer.
Barely five days after she arrived at the Los Angeles County jail, she's back in her Barbie Dream House for the remaining 40 days of her sentence, sporting an electronic monitoring bracelet (Gucci?). Reports are that she had some sort of medical condition which prompted her early release. At this point, it's anyone's guess what it is. Dandruff? An unattractive rash from the chafing of her prison-issue jumpsuit?

We know she didn't contract anything from her cell-mate because she didn't have one. The Associated Press reports that her jail accommodations were in the "special needs" division which is separate from the other un-pedicured miscreants. (Can you even imagine Paris' "special needs" in jail? Just the shampoos alone boggle the mind.)

Home-confinement chez Hilton is pretty plush punishment for violating probation, as Paris did when she was caught twice early this year boppin' around in her Bentley despite having had her license suspended for alcohol-fueled reckless driving. As her clubbin' buddy Britney would say, "Oops! I did it again!"

Considering all the other injustices and crises in the world such as, oh, the continued mayhem in Iraq, global warming and the alarming failure of so many of our public schools, it seems awfully frivolous to give a rat's posterior about the trials of an airhead celebutante. Why waste the energy?
Maybe it's because the Hilton-irritant seems like something that should be very manageable. She's a blond mosquito who so needs to be swatted. How many times have you seen that ridiculous commercial of her making love to a cheeseburger and thought, "Can't we at least throw this bimbo in jail?'`

Of course, there are legions of Paris' fans who think she's being treated unfairly. These are the same people she insulted on her Web site by posting a get-out-of-jail-free petition that claims her lasting gift to humanity is bringing glamour and excitment into their otherwise `mundane lives.'

I don't get it. My first reaction when I saw that petition was, "You know what would brighten up my mundane life? Send Paris to Gitmo!"

Yet, apparently, she got a gazillion signatures on that thing.

So, in a world turned upside down by celebrity obsession - and Paris is a celebrity mainly for being a beautiful, rich do-nothing - it makes twisted sense that she would get off with mansion-arrest.

There was one moment during this fiasco when our gal Paris had a chance to actually learn something and impart it to her fans. She showed promise when she was interviewed on the red carpet at the MTV awards, just before her incarceration, and said she was ready to be strong, do the right thing and serve her time like a good little inmate.

Now she's probably getting her electronic bracelet fitted with diamond studs while she has a margarita out on the sun deck.

Who knows, maybe she'll end up having Scooter Libby over for a pre-jail spa day, if he goes to jail at all. Paris can give him tips on how to avoid that sort of inconvenience.