Lindsay Lohan Plays With Knives, Has No Friends

News Of the World, the fine folks who brought us pictures of Lindsay Lohan snorting lines of coke in the loo, has now obtained some frightening pics of Lilo playing with knives.



Lindsay, who entered rehab at Malibu Promises last week, is seen holding a knife to a friend’s throat and also putting a knife in her own mouth. Never one to avoid a photo op, Lindsay appears quite out of it in these pictures taken at a house party four months ago. This once again proves that Lindsay’s first visit to rehab was NOT successful, much like her efforts to find trustworthy and good-hearted friends. Lindsay must have been coked-out-of this-universe to allow such candid shots of herself to be taken.


I must say, Ms. Lohan has made some outrageously stellar choices in friends. And when I say “friend” in Lindsay’s case what I mean is: people who would drug you, rape you, steal your wallet, hump your corpse, run over your dog, stab your grandmother, mooch your drugs, spit in your beer, leave you stranded, let your wear something that makes you look fat, screw your boyfriend, and possibly take unflattering and incriminating photos of you while you’re high on illegal substances. Real pals, that’s what I’m saying.

Lindsay, when you get out of rehab (if you get out) here’s a definition of a friend. Write this down, refer to it often, and make a mental note, for this information will serve you well in life.

A Friend is someone who looks out for you, who holds your secrets in confidence, who has your back when needed and who tells you the truth, not just what you want to hear. A friend is someone who would tell you if the guy you liked hit on them, rather than making out with them. A friend is someone who might take a silly photo of you, but also let’s you watch them delete it. A true friend is someone you can have fun with WHILE NOT fried out of your mind.

And ultimately Lindsay, a friend is someone who you choose, not who fate has chosen for you. A real friend doesn’t want anything from you, they don’t care about how much money you have or what you can do for them, they just care about you.

I think it’s safe to say that you don’t have any of these in your life, so how about you dump all these other a-holes and start all over? Your mom is not your friend, btw, that’s not her job. If she isn’t doing her job, you should fire her ass too.

Also, one last thing, in order to have a true friend, you need to be a true friend. Perhaps start with yourself and then work your way up to others, ‘cuz if you don’t like yourself, how can anyone else like you.

No need to thank me Lindsay, I’m just telling you what any person who actually cared about you should have told you long ago.